Just finish reading some blogs. I feel so small. I'm not even making any improvements in my life. I know its 2012 and i should lead a better life from now on. But, it looks like i'm not making any effort to improve my style of living :( I know i'm comfortable with everything now because everyone is there for u when u need them. But what if one day, they were all gone? What should i do? Foon Hui Min! Please wake up and come to your senses! The world is not all perfect! You MUST improve. Otherwise, you'll be eliminated by this society! Be more mature! IMPROVE! That's what dad always tell me. I know. That's reality. But its hard. Its hard for everyone. I need more time. I know time waits for no one and i'm not even making an effort to change. I really need to change my mind set. Everyone around me is growing, maturing, becoming a better person. But what am i doing? I'm standing in the old path. Not walking forward. I'm just standing there like an idiot, waiting for a miracle. There is no miracle unless u work hard. This is what i learnt :/
Well, i think my relationship with people, obviously my friends are getting bad-er and bad-er. I know there's no such word. I just felt like using it. *sighs* I know its my fault not to mix around more. I know its my fault it became like this. I'm trying to forgive and forget everything. The past. The unhappy times. I wish i can do better. No, i know i can do better! 2012. A brand new year. I'm going to work hard and play hard! :) Yesterday, well. It should be Tuesday. Relatives came to my house. One of them said i was still kiddish :/ I don't wanna be the kiddish hui min. I wanna change! Change to a better person. A more mature thinking person. I don't wanna be the KID in everyone's eyes :/ That phrase, hurt a lot. I'm sorry to say that i can't take it. After hearing that i have no mood to do anything. Is it a NO to be joyful? Is it a NO to make everyone happy? I enjoy making people smile, I enjoy making people laugh, and i enjoy making new friends. But it seems like its impossible :/ I can't be myself in front of anybody anymore. except you :) Thank you for being there for me.
Hmm, looks like i got a lot to complain huh? sorry for that. I just feel like typing everything out. Listening to River flows in you now. What an emo song :) It fits perfectly with my mood now. Thank you yiruma. You've created a great song :)
2 comments:
You know dear, changing your mindset doesn't mean you have to change the original you. You don't have to be the the person which everyone else want you to be.. You don't live for others' lives, do you? From what I see, you're still the crazy, joyful, caring.. The sweetest girl which can brighten my day at any time :) improving doesnt mean you have to abandon the original you. It's simply just, adding a little something to it ;)
aww. thank you jo :) thanks. i'm trying to :/ but in my family, being joyful means childish :/
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